Held over from last week
Wal Mart Theme Song. Click here.

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. ‘No woman,' said one man, scornfully, ‘can keep a secret.'

‘I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. ‘I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.'

‘You'll let it out some day,' the man insisted.

‘I hardly think so!' responded the blonde lady. ‘When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.'

A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.

I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.

She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne.

I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"

"No," she replied, "but my mother's not expecting a bj tonight."

I said, "Would you care for dessert? "

Held over from last week
Shell Game Exposed Click here.

The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"

"None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But, he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said the golfer.

"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

"There's bad news?" the Pope asked.

Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Woods by three strokes."

Held over from last week
10 Popular Misconceptions. Click here.

Held over from last week
Hilarious Spelling Bee Troll. Click here

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.

To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Held over from last week
Sexiest rubik's cube solving ever.Click here.

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age
of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a
rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty,
chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and
never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton,
but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.

One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick
and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as
the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out
of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he
knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from
his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was
Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this
time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down
from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him
get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420-YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied,
"Who is he going to tell?"

Held over from last week
Golf Ball, think your good, watch this !! Click here.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

Miami Beach girls just want to have fun. Click here.

The husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please dear, I need help." she said.

The husband ran off saying "I'll go get some help." A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green.

His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said,
"I'm may be dying and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help."

"The second hole??? When in the hell is he coming???"

"Hey! I told ya not to worry." he said, practice stroking his putt. "Everyone's already agreed to let him play through."

Held over from last week
The Ball Buster. Click here.